The post o level period has been good so far, myriad of chances to try new stuffs, explore new avenues, it's like going on an adventure, filled with thrills and surprises. But of course, on the other side of the fence, there are alot of things and people that make me feel miserable. really. sometimes when i see them i don't even feel like talking much or even opening up. think it's bad cause it just makes me wanna shut myself up like how i used to do so when i was 13/14. those were, unfortunately one of the worse periods of my life, i guess. i was also wondering where did my strong willpower disappear to, like back in sec 1/2 i remember not giving up so easily and being able to sort out emotions very easily. like i don't mix work with play and vice versa. now it's all jumbled up cause i don't even know when i'm playing or working sorta thing. i really hate myself for this. i hate all the emotional scars that affect me when i wanna study throughout year 2010. i thought 2006 was my worse cause marmar passed away that year; but i guess 2010 left even more of these bitter memories.

I keep telling myself time would heal, time would heal, but the clock doesn't seem to be moving... if you get what i mean. frankly speaking i think i can emo the whole month if i combine all scars this year; love, friendship, family, studies. Gloomy christmas anyone? I don't want. I want december to be an exciting, enchanting and a month where i could start everything all over again, anew. okay la maybe not start everything all over again anew, but at least a month where i could reconcile broken ties, heal bleeding wounds, refresh and recharge. enough said, i don't want to go to bed in tears. poured enough today right? but doesn't change anything in the end, right?